History Research Department

The history research department gives an area, where students and scholars who are intrigued with the events of the past, a place to fully spread their wings. We give them full access to the Hifi Archives. As long as they can reach the box at the top of the Headmaster’s storage pile in the 3^rd floor attic, everything is all good.

Some of the most promising products from the research attempt made in this area are that students have come across a piece of paper once touched by the secretary of the former US president JFK. The Smithsonian did not think it was anything important but we sure thought it would have been worth something.

Some students over the course of looking through many of the available material almost made a link between Hitler and Roswell.

The highly professional staff will even be there to assist you in all your researching needs. If ever there might be a box you cannot reach they will surely provide a step ladder for you. If the archives prove a little dusty they will make sure to get a rag for you. We would not want our students getting allergic to dust while they are doing their ground breaking work.

Whether it be for the purposes of furthering their own interest in certain fields of study or they just want to pass the time, we know that the students learning who killed who in what battle when is very important for them to live normal lives. In an effort to aid the students even more, all of the research material has been arranged chronologically, or alphabetically, depending on which staff member you are talking to. Just know that they were arranged in some way.

We would not want you to get lost inside the library. It will be a headache to explain you getting lost and getting trapped inside the library to the parents. So we have made the library shelves arranged that each topic is spaced widely apart. You might even get a good run in in-between getting to and from the different topics. Convenience is important to us.

Message From The Staff

Hello future or current or even interested to be Hifi Students. We the staff of Hifi University look forward to working with you in achieving all your research goals during your stay in the university. We will be glad to help you in any way we can. Even if you have problems finding a certain topic do not hesitate to call us for help. However, if you are too dense to realize that the book you are looking for is right in front of you please forgive us for the occasional snarl. Our offices are always open to receive you, except of course during our lunch breaks. We love our lunch breaks, we may even choose to extend a couple of hours or two.

By the way do not bother complaining to the headmaster about our “lunch time”, we have him wrapped around our finger so he won’t butt in on our affairs. It is best to suck up to us if you want us to help you for real.

In cases where staff members may be unavailable, we have also provided students with access to the library computers that will give you all the information that you would need. If ever, for some reason or another, certain materials cannot be automatically found within the system it is understood that either it is not available or we might have forgot that book. Just look through the boxes. We’re sure you’ll find something.

Cafeteria Food

The cafeteria food at Hifi University is renowned throughout the whole state. We are the only institution that embraces not only the cultures of different parts of the world, but we also make the extra effort to work this culture into the mix with the local delicacies that can be found near the Hifi Campus.

The neighbourhoods around Hifi are famous for their fresh from the can dishes; with the skilled kitchen staff at Hifi they have taken that freshness to a whole different level. Some students have even sworn they saw their food moving! If still moving food is not a sign of freshness than maybe the over whelming aroma that the food exhibits will be another indication of the deliciousness of the food.

The bright and unique mix of unheard of food combinations also gives the palate a tour around the world. Imagine the strong spice laced curries of India being served with vanilla garlic ice cream to cool you down. Or maybe you are into more European fare? Try our fresh boiled haggis served with a side of French country style goat’s brains. We do not believe such fancy food be denied to our students. They deserve and appreciate a sampling of the most infamous dishes that fancy culinary school chefs can produce. We even have escargot Fridays. The snails are caught fresh around the Hifi gardens.

Aside from organically grown meats, Hifi also encourages the use of products grown by the locals. Windowsill pot vegetables are a big hit in vegetarian dishes.  They are so fresh you can still see the dirt on them even after they have been cooked. Even fruits of the mixed and matched variety are available for the students. We try to create every university menu to make sure all major food groups are represented. At Hifi University a student can only excel when they consume a very well balanced meal.

Very fresh food is not only a special feature of the Hifi cuisine. Students over the years have felt very lucky to be able to come across a dish with a surprise inside. Some have been lucky enough to find quarters and such in the middle of their plate, it is understood that if you have come across some flies it would only mean that you need to try again. But every price inside a Hifi dish is considered special. Sometimes no two are exactly alike.

Depending on the kitchen staff on duty that day you may find a multitude of different prizes. Hairnets, eye glasses, contact lenses, earrings, even the occasional gold tooth. If you keep looking hard enough you might find a prize you can make use of in the university.

The kitchen staff is composed of highly experienced individuals from all over. We take into account that their resumes are filled with so many restaurants ranging from small time diners and even soup kitchens. We know that the longer the list they present to us the more experience they must have. With experience surely then follows flavour and good food.

They are clothed in very professional uniforms as to keep the cooking environment as hygienic as possible. Their long hair, facial or otherwise is always kept in a ponytail. Their clothes are always clean and neat with standard aprons on top. All of the kitchen staff is required to wear gloves within the kitchen. In order to stay eco conscious we have allowed the washing and repetitive use of food grade gloves.

You would not like it if we filled landfills with our used plastic gloves so we are trying to reuse them as often as possible.

Classes

Even the most dedicated student gets bored with classes. With lengthy lectures and high pitched lecturers it is very easy for the attention of students to drift into never Neverland while sitting in the middle of class. If a bird passes by the window we are pretty sure you will stair at it for a good couple of seconds. Hey, we do not blame you. Learning is not for everybody, which is why you are in Hifi University in the first place.

We do not mind your kind, since most of the people who end up in university only attend because their parents made them go. If graduating was really your top priority then you would have done so ages ago. Instead you would only continue on with the bad habits that got you repeating every miserable class in the first place.

You keep telling yourself that you want that degree but you just do not have the heart to sit through a 3 hour lecture on the something as useless as math, English or history. We also know that most university level lecturers are old as the dinosaurs. With grey hair, antique clothes and bottle rimmed glasses, experienced professors are just an epic fail when it comes to grabbing on to your attention.

Hifi classes however can blow all of your previous university classes away. Here at Hifi U fun is the main thing in every curriculum. We know that the years you spend at university will always add up to the greater scheme of your life. Since life is short and we should always enjoy our time here on earth, we find it even more important that we make the most of every second.

We would not waste your time anymore with hourly long lectures. Instead at Hifi University every class can be as short as a good 5 minutes. Just long enough for that class’s lecturer to sit down, sip coffee, tell you his name then pick up and leave. Plus, we discourage faculty members to go on and on about their life, their accomplishments, degrees etc. etc. because we know most of you do not care. So to ease your burdens, and give you less reason to get your butt cheeks soar in those uncomfortable chairs, we made sure professors will only tell you what needs to be known.

The University also encourages faculty members to make classes more fun and exciting for students by challenging them in unconventional ways. For history class for example, instead of focusing on people the students do not think about, we would rather that the students learn about movers and shakers who actually matter to them. Ambitious to get into the music industry, people are taught about the music moguls of our generation. For wannabe movie stars we will teach them how even lousy actresses like Paris Hilton got a break by making a sex tape.

There was no merit in what she did, she was not even convincing, yet low and behold she is famous. Being offered movie deal after movie deal, she has no problem getting a job in entertainment even if she has no talent what so ever. Remember her album? She cannot sing to save her life but she was still able to make one.

Teaching you what you really need to know about the world is our goal. We will do so using methods that can not only hold you attention but make you feel you are not wasting your life in a lousy classroom.

Dating On Campus

Hif University is well known for its dating scene. With the densely male populated student body many female students have found it very easy to find multiple candidates to become their potential match.  With our lone history of alumni marrying before graduation or not graduating and choosing to stay home with their kids, love matches are not uncommon in Hifi. Some even swear if it was not for the university’s relaxed approach to teaching they would not have had the opportunity to be as successful in their trivial pursuits.

We know dating is only a normal part of life so we do what we can so that students can feel free to pursue their God given needs. Basic human instincts cannot be denied to anyone, let alone hormonal alcohol driven young adults with a very weak moral high ground.

The campus is a very conducive place to mingle and find a match. Weekly mixers are organized not only for the students by the student council but the university holds a mixer for students to come and showcase their best as many foreign donators come and select various students for exchange dating programs to their home countries. Some of the students end up so happy that they choose not to return. We have not even heard from some of them in a really long time.

Foreign investors are those who keep the school running with such grace even amidst a very painful recession. They push for the school to enrol such a diverse blend of cultures while maintaining that all females be virgins. This request is most probably because investors like to have pure hearted women in college more often. They could not possibly have anything to gain by always choosing these pure women to send as candidates for foreign exchange programs to European, Middle Eastern, and even South East Asian countries. Hifi knows our mostly Caucasian female students are blossoming and becoming more well-rounded women in those countries.

They are all probably raising a wonderful family with their soul mates in other countries. We would not even be surprised if many of them have a dozen or more children in their few years abroad. Who knows, if they ever fall out of a relationship we are sure the foreign investors will act quickly to get them into a new one right away. They will try to maximize the students while they are there. They will even provide opportunities for the female students under their care to be transferred to other investors who see their potential. The students might get a chance to travel the world without having to spend a dime. They will even get to mix and mingle with countless other females from all over the world recruited for the foreign dating programs.

Foreign investors also select certain male students for special programs. Special programs are programs in which male students are taken by the foreign investors to star in informative and special educational videos which are streamed through the internet.

Our student admission office also holds a very high standard for the physical appearance of students. We might not choose all beauties but let us just say if you look jacked up then Hifi might not be the place for you. We do not have a very high standard when it comes to the education or the proficiency level of our students, so we at least make sure everyone is good enough to look at while they are walking around campus.

Looks are not everything, we can stand by that, but when you have a lousy chance of graduating then you should at least have something to fall back on. Sure looks would not last forever but they sure would not hurt your chances of getting a better life.

Hifi University has taken into consideration that many of the students choosing to study here will have travelled a long distance. Seeing that they cannot afford to ride the bus, take a taxi, ride that camel or jump that train every time they need to get to class, we have provided many on campus accommodations for students to make use of.

One building was sponsored by an alumnus who strongly believed that whatever you do you have to be economical. A room within this building has 4 bedrooms and a conveniently placed kitchen within the bathroom or the bathroom within the kitchen depending on which wing you are on. This way you would not have to spend too much of your energy getting from one area to another, you can hop out from your bed and already be in the kitchen, turn a little to the side and you will be in the bathroom. The building’s concept is all about that kind of convenience; it is almost similar to future apartment accommodations you can experience in huge urban cities like New York City.

For dorm rooms without bathrooms we have provided common bathrooms for everyone to share in every floor. Have a chance to bond with a wide range of students every time you go to the bathroom. We also encourage sharing within the bathrooms to help out the students who cannot seem to provide towels or bathrooms supplies for themselves.

We even have a building with rooms dedicated to pay tribute to nature. From wall paper that is conducive to growing a wide variety of molds, to floors that are made completely of wood. Imagine going to sleep with the creaking floors lulling you to sleep. Nothing can be more relaxing and reminiscent of nature than that kind of noise at night and the crickets that seem to be in the walls.

The University also knows that being at this level students have gained a certain amount of discipline and maturity. With this in mind we have allowed various dormitories to have mixed gender rooms. Besides even if we do not allow it we know they will be sneaking into each other’s room anyway. Might as well go with the flow rather than deny it.

We also provide round the clock security for all students. Just be sure you have locked your doors at 12mn because some of the security guards tend to fall asleep in their chairs. Although, having them there asleep in front of your building still gives you the chance to feel safe.

We want your dorm to feel like a second home while you are here. We provided many facilities within the dorms for your enjoyment and entertainment. Within each dorm building we have huge recreational rooms filled with comfy couches for you and your friends to lounge on between classes. We even provide antique inspired televisions, twist the antennas a little bit, give them a tap every now and then and you can pretty much pick up any channel.

We also have centralized air conditioning during winter and heating during summer. You can feel like you are connected to the outdoors even when you are confined in your dorm rooms. We even provide laundry areas with working faucets at the back of every dorm. Get closer to your fellow students as you bond over a pile of your dirty laundry. After you have washed your clothes in the cold water over hard stones, we have even provided for you a long line of wire to hang your clothes on. Let your clothes hang freely in the wind and let them dry under the sun like nature has intended.

Funny college pranks

Crazy college guys doing weird stuff to other people

I Love My School (I Love College Parody) Jake Watkins Campaign Video

This Video is great  . Great song – Dont forget vote for Jake Watkins

Luke – I Love Knowledge (I Love College Parody)

This a great video . This is the kind of school spirit we have at Hifi University ! Do you have a video like this ? send it over and we will post it !